Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter.
It’s been a busy few months here, with writing stuff, and work stuff, and we adopted a dog (that sweetie to the right – his name is 
Chewbacca, and he has completely overhauled our lives in many, many ways)…and all that means I’ve been a little behind on my TV viewing. (Plus, since we got DVR, I just watch less TV in general – it’s a strange paradox). One of the shows I’ve been way behind on is Glee. And the beginning of the year didn’t exactly have me racing to the TV on Tuesday nights. But I have been meaning to catch up – which I did, some, last weekend.
[Warning, spoilers up through the Glee episode titled Sexy below…]
Now, I will say, Glee’s been a bit hit or miss for me this year – episode by episode, even scene by scene, it’s been a bit cringe and cheer in turn. I’ve struggled with many scenes and storylines. There have been moments where I can’t tell whether this is satire, parody or farce – and when it dives too far over the line into farce, it starts losing its relevance. And Sam…Sam singing Bieber…he 100% deserved trouty mouth.
And even though I hadn’t watched in a while, I’m on Twitter and Facebook, I read some blogs and occasionally read entertainment related news. So, I’d heard about some of the happenings on Glee – some weeks it was nearly impossible not to be spoiled to some extent. I saw mentions of Kurt’s struggles to look sexy, the loss of his beloved Pavarotti, Blaine and Kurt’s duet and the big kiss. And I expected that kind of attention – it’s an important and groundbreaking storyline – I totally get and respect that.
But when I caught up some, I saw a much more compelling storyline – a perhaps more groundbreaking, and much more interesting and thought provoking storyline – that I had seen little mention of among all the OMGing over Kurt.
First of all, like much of this season, I can’t say I loved the whole episode. Some parts were downright cringe-worthy. But I would like to pause to have a moment for a television show that shows a parent having an in character, believable, and yet constructive sex talk with his kid. I didn’t really buy Blaine’s little speech or really his going to see Kurt’s dad at all, but that talk in the kitchen between Burt and Kurt with the pamphlets was wonderful. “Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter. Because you matter, Kurt” may just be the best example I’ve seen of getting to the heart of the issue of sex and teens. No unrealistic expectations, no false moralizing, some instructive needed info, and then a direct message centered on self-worth. Loved it.
But what really floored me in the episode was something I’m shocked didn’t warrant much chatter on my Twitter feed or Facebook updates, something that seems to have warranted only a fraction of the awe and yay over Kurt's storyline – a high school relationship that I bet seems more familiar to many lgbtq adolescents and post-adolescents than Kurt’s, one that highlights how much pressure there still is to conform:
Brittany and Santana
Now, maybe I was under a rock and there were some of you out there discussing this –maybe at the time it aired, maybe for months before it aired as the hints and clues were sprinkled, and maybe I need to broaden my Twitter followings – but I couldn’t get away from the mentions of Kurt, and I didn’t remember seeing one about Santana. At least, not one that registered as being about her relationship with Brittany.
As a refresher, the first hint of more than friends between the two cheerleaders was a quip way back in season 1 when Santana said, “Sex is not dating,” and Brittany added, “If it was, Santana and I would be dating.” That bit made me rewind and replay several times – a bit, well, gleeful at the nonchalance with which that was thrown in. And I loved that nonchalance, that no-big-dealness. At least, I loved it then.
From the start, the little asides and teases to the benefits side of that passionate friendship were like little treats to be savored now and then, but not really to be taken seriously or focused on. Even in the episode Duets, where their relationship and the emotional implications was more front and center, it still didn’t feel like they or their relationship was to be taken seriously. And I sort of liked that they were just there – no big deal. And that no big deal felt cool. It felt modern, and even sort of edgy. Like we’ve moved past the need to label them, to discuss it – they just were.
Brittany and Santana as Britney and Madonna (dressed for the part), the references to their cuddle times, the heads on shoulders and pinky links here and there when a sweet song was sung in the rehearsal room, even the full out kissing and more from Duets…all of it was of the good as far as I was concerned. But I still never thought Glee would take it seriously, and I always assumed Santana was just enjoying the benefits, and if anyone ever got hurt in this it would be poor, sweet Brittany.
But…then I watched Sexy. To see Glee take this relationship seriously, to deal with the emotional aspects of their sexual relationship, with all the layers of complicated emotions for both of them, well, that was fantastic. And far more important and groundbreaking than any other moment on the show in my opinion.
Here's the thing – So many high school relationships for lgbtq people are of the I-want-but-I-can’t-admit-it variety (often interpreted by the other person in the all too often true I-want-you-but-not-enough-to-admit-it). So, imagine my surprise when Brittany asked for Santana to actually talk about the relationship, when she forced them to deal with the fact that even without acknowledging it, there are emotions and attachments that have grown out of their girl-cuddles-on-the-side relationship. While some of Brittany’s lines fell flat in the scene itself, I was thrilled that Glee was actually exploring what they have and who they are, even Santana’s fear of being labeled, her fear of acknowledging the significance of the connection with Brittany.
That moment of emotional rawness from Santana during Landslide was brilliant – the emphasis on maturity, on growing up and the fear of things changing, or needing to change, and what that means for them, for their relationship, and for their own self-images. And Santana’s push back after (Just because I sang a song with Brittany doesn't mean you can put a label on me) was achingly realistic.
More brilliant was Santana’s declarations by the locker. This may be the gutsiest move, most groundbreaking bit of TV I’ve seen in a very long time (maybe since Ricky and his eye-liner on My So-Called Life). That Glee went to the self-loathing that causes so many kids to hate themselves, to deny themselves, to hurt themselves and others, in the form of the outwardly badass Santana was truly fantastic.
I loved every moment of it – her anger (“I’m a bitch because I’m angry. I’m angry because I have all of these feelings. Feelings for you, that I’m afraid of dealing with. Because I’m afraid of dealing with the consequences”), her shame (“I’m so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back”), her wanting and needing (“Still I have to accept, that I love you. I love you and I don’t want to be with Sam or Finn or any of those other guys, I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please.”) … even the humor (“I can’t go to an Indigo Girls concert, I just can’t”). All of this kickass moment rocked.
And even then, Glee wasn’t done. It went that step further, that step braver, to the moment so many lgbtq kids get to – they’re ready, they’ve fought their inner demons and external fears, and are willing to face it all, for the love of the person worth the effort, worth the consequences, only to have that person say it’s not enough. They’re not enough. Ok, so I hated the reason Brittany gave for saying no, but the moment was so raw and familiar that I still have to applaud it.
This Brittany & Santana storyline was Glee at its most relevant best. It was great in its casual asides and no-big-dealness, but it’s more relevant and more important when taken as seriously as they did in Sexy. Even if they didn’t hit it out of the park or give it the buildup it deserves – and maybe because of the casual beginnings – this was quality, relevant storytelling.
I’ve loved Brittany and Santana since that first wonderful quip. But now I respect the show for exploring the emotional side of the equation with bravery and with honesty, and with the expectation that it was possible for these two beautiful girls to love each other. And to still be their essential selves. And maybe even be in pain and conflicted over it. All the attraction and heat and love and affection, with the fears and weaknesses and thorns included.
I’m still behind on episodes, so I don’t know where this is going, and for all I know Glee is going to screw it up and I’ll be disappointed. (And if so, please don’t tell me).
But here’s what I find so interesting.
In all those tweets and updates and posts about Kurt, and his kiss, and the amazing duet…where was the astonishment at the absolutely more real, more emotional, gutsier storyline of Santana and Brittany?
Is it because it was less shocking? Less interesting to others? Less…about a character viewers want to see happy?
Or maybe it was precisely because of the way the show has handled it with nonchalance and no anticipation. Maybe it is the anticipation factor that makes viewers discuss and take notice of Kurt’s budding romance. Maybe it’s even the romance, more than the acting on it, which has viewers more invested in the slow build of Kurt’s love life.
There is also a certain amount of comfort viewers have with Kurt that they may never have with Brittany and Santana. There’s a certain level of sweetness, of innocence with Kurt. But it seems like the show treats Brittany's and Santana’s full on sexual relationship with less need for fanfare and anticipation. Less need for the “moment” or for the building crescendo.
Don’t get me wrong, what Glee did in Sexy – allowing Santana to express what so many lgbtq kids feel, and what it makes them do, to deny…well, on some level it was way braver than the kiss between Kurt and Blaine. And I don’t want to take away from the Kurt storylines. They are real and needed and well done. But…why are they news, and Santana’s revelations, Brittany’s demanding acknowledgment, the ultimate rejection, the anger and pain…not?
Part of me has wondered if it’s inherent, even unconscious sexism – some innate undercurrent of the girls just aren’t that important, or as interesting, maybe, as the sweet faced boys.
Or maybe it’s because the vast majority of the viewers and people commenting are straight girls and women, who are less interested in or drawn to the Brittany & Santana storyline.
Or maybe it’s just a case of the specific characters being less popular.
I’m not sure.
But in recent years I’ve been asking myself why there is so little YA fiction about lesbians. And I have several theories, but in this moment, it feels a little maybe like the Brittany and Santana problem. Could it be some undercurrent of “the girls just aren’t as important.” Or maybe there’s a perception problem – the perception that the readers for YA fiction are mainly girls and women – are perceived to be mainly straight girls and women – who are perceived to be less interested in the lesbian or bisexual side of the lgbtq spectrum.
But when I come back around to the Brittany and Santana conundrum…. I can’t help but wonder if viewers really are less comfortable with or less invested in the sexually active girls exploring their same-sex attractions in an active and matter of fact way, than in the sweet, innocent boys who have spent months building up to holding hands and kissing.
Or, if it really is how the show treated their relationship. How little they and the show took it seriously, signaling to the viewer it didn’t need to be taken seriously. These girls aren’t to be taken seriously. And neither is their relationship or their emotions or even who they are.
Twitter feeds and posts and full color spreads full of OMG Kurt and Blaine are gonna kiss – and later, they kissed – and little about the more mature and interesting and heartbreaking bookend happening with Brittany & Santana. They’ve had the kisses. They’ve had it all. And since they and the show didn’t take it as seriously, as momentous, as requiring of musical accompaniment and buildup, neither does the viewer.
And if that is not what is at the heart of “Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter” I don’t know what is.
If Santana had figured out she loved Brittany before she progressed to sex with her, would their first kiss have had the same anticipation factor? Would Glee have even gone there? I’d hope so. I hope they go there now – it's even more important they go there now – follow through on what this all means for Santana, and for Brittany.
Whatever the reasons, and maybe even because of the turn from casual to real, Glee deserves cheers and credit for exploring the complex facets of the relationship between Brittany and Santana, and how that relationship impacts their respective lives and self-images – even if the effort at times could have been a little more serious.
This storyline has important things to say. And is an important storyline, exploring important issues many lgbtq teens (and maybe even many heterosexual teens) face when dealing with attraction versus pressure to conform. Important, and relevant. Santana can face the slushies, but the gossip kept her in denial, until even the fear of gossip and labels couldn't compete with what she felt for Brittany – maybe now Glee can explore what it means to face all your fears only to still end up without your immediate happy ending, without the promise of certain love. And maybe they can still come through the other side and do this very interesting storyline justice.
Regardless, more please, but with a tad more fanfare and crescendo maybe. 🙂
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